How thrilling is your life story?

from The Oregonian, Monday, August 14, 1995
© Copyright, Oregonian Publishing Co.

We all think of ourselves as heroes of a great novel, as stars of a never-ending movie: “The Story of ME!”

But be honest. Do you really think your autobiography would make gripping reading? When they film the movie version of your life, will it be a box-office smash – or leave the audience snoring?

“You only go around once in life,” the beer ads used to say, “so you’ve got to grab all the gusto you can.” Think you’ve grabbed enough gusto? Our quiz gives you the chance to prove it.

When The Oregonian first printed this test back in 1990, it proved enormously popular with readers. (In fact, the page was imitated by newspapers all across the country.) So we’ve dusted it off to let you try again.

Answer each question as honestly as you can. When in doubt, fudge – if you’re like most of us, your Gusto Quotient needs all the help it can get.
– Tim Harrower

THE SPORTING LIFE

Have you ever gone:

hang gliding? 15 PTS.
sky diving? 15 PTS.
bungee jumping? 25 PTS.
surfing or wind surfing? 10 PTS.
scuba diving? 15 PTS.
white water rafting? 10 PTS.
mountain climbing? 15 PTS.

Have you ever:

set a sports record? 20 PTS.
run a marathon? 10 PTS.
been a pro athlete, or competed in a sports event seen by more than 1,000 fans? 20 PTS.

BONUS POINTS: If you’ve ever engaged in some other risky daredevil activity (cliff diving, drag racing, road luge, etc.), add 15 PTS.

TROTTING THE GLOBE

Have you ever:

piloted an airplane, helicopter or hot-air balloon? 10 PTS.
stowed away on a boat, plane or train? 10 PTS.
hitchhiked cross-country? 10 PTS.
hiked or biked more than 100 miles at one time? 10 PTS.
sailed on a solo ocean voyage? 20 PTS.
run away from home? 5 PTS.; ADD 50 PTS. IF YOU JOINED THE CIRCUS
learned to speak a foreign language fluently? 5 PTS.
visited a foreign country? ADD 2 PTS. PER COUNTRY.

BONUS POINTS: Add 1 PT. for every city you’ve ever lived in; add 10 PTS. for every foreign country you’ve lived in.

INTO THE UNKNOWN

Have you ever:

seen a ghost? 15 PTS.
seen a UFO? 10 PTS. ADD 50 PTS. IF ABDUCTED
died, then returned to your body? 20 PTS.
had an evil twin? 20 PTS.; SCORE 10 PTS FOR AN ORDINARY TWIN
been a member of a cult? 20 PTS.
had a profound religious experience? 20 PTS.
communicated with a nonhuman life form? 20 PTS.
displayed ESP or other psychic powers? 15 PTS.

FAME AND FORTUNE

Have you ever:

won more than $10,000 in a lottery or bet? 20 PTS.
been extremely rich? 15 PTS.
been homeless? 15 PTS.
been the subject of a newspaper or magazine story? 10 PTS.
phoned a radio talk show? 5 PTS.
been on TV? SCORE 5 PTS. FOR A MINOR APPEARANCE; 20 PTS. IF THEY BROADCAST YOUR FACE, VOICE AND NAME; 50 PTS. FOR A REGULARLY APPEARING ROLE
been in a movie? 10 PTS. IF YOUR WERE AN EXTRA; 30 PTS IF YOU HAD A SPEAKING PART
performed on a stage before more than 1,000 people? 20 PTS.
cut a record or written a book? 20 PTS.
invented or discovered something, or had something named after you (a building, disease, scientific principle)? 30 PTS.
been close friends with someone famous? 5 PTS. PER FAMOUS PERSON

DEATH & DISASTER

Have you survived a:

plane crash? 30 PTS.
hurricane? 10 PTS.
tornado? 10 PTS.
earthquake? 20 PTS. FOR A MAJOR QUAKE; 5 PTS. FOR A MINOR QUAKE
ship or train wreck? 10 PTS.
serious traffic accident? 20 PTS.

Have you ever:

had stitches, broken a bone or undergone surgery? 10 PTS.
overcome a life-threatening disease or major disability? 30 PTS.
fought in a war? 30 PTS.
been attacked by a deadly insect or animal? 10 PTS.
witnessed a nuclear blast? 25 PTS.
been the victim of a felony? 10 PTS.

BONUS POINTS: If you’ve survived some disaster not mentioned above (a volcano, avalanche, fire, etc.), add 15 PTS.

THE DARK SIDE

(It’s our duty, as pillars of the community, to warn you that some of these activities are dangerous, stupid, or illegal. Do NOT try any of these simply to raise your score.)

Have you ever:

been arrested or detained? 10 PTS.
been in prison? 20 PTS.; 50 PTS. IF YOU ESCAPED
committed a crime and gotten away with it? 5 PTS.
killed someone? 20 PTS.
had someone try to kill you? 10 PTS.
been in a high-speed chase? 5 PTS.
had an illicit affair? 5 PTS. PER PERSON
been in a fight? 10 PTS.
been involved in some sort of scandal? 10 PTS.
taken dangerous or illegal drugs? 5 PTS.
gotten a tattoo or pierced a body part (not your ear)? 5 PTS.
gone underground or undercover? 10 PTS.
been in a gang, crime family or outlaw group? 20 PTS.
Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the Communist Party? 10 PTS.

BONUS POINTS: If you’ve ever fulfilled some dark, forbidden fantasy too lurid to mention here, go ahead and give yourself 10 PTS.

EVERYDAY DRAMA

Have you ever:

saved anybody’s life? 20 PTS.
saved an animal’s life? 5 PTS.
done missionary work or joined a monastic order? 20 PTS.
been elected to public office? 20 PTS.
won a major award? 5 PTS. IF LOCAL; 20 PTS. IF NATIONAL
given birth? 20 PTS.
had your heart broken in romance? 5 PTS.
been married? 10 PTS. FOR EACH MARRIAGE
experienced the death of a parent, child, or close friend? 10 PTS.
quit your job abrubptly in anger or protest? 5 PTS.
been fired? 5 PTS.
been sued, or sued someone? 10 PTS.
dropped out (or been kicked out) of school? 5 PTS.
panhandled? 10 PTS.
taken part in a public protest? 5 PTS.; ADD 20 PTS. EXTRA FOR A RIOT
visited a nude beach or nudist colony, or appeared nude in public? 5 PTS.
Do you regularly perform volunteer or charity work? 20 PTS.

BONUS POINTS: If you’ve ever worked as a doctor, nurse, teacher, police officer, judge, firefighter, or member of the clergy, add 20 PTS.

UH-OH! PENALTY SECTION

For every hour of TV you view in a typical week, deduct 1 PT.
Do you sit behind a desk for more than 20 hours a week? If so, deduct 5 PTS.
Do you own a Nintendo-type video game? Deduct 2 PTS.
Like to surf the Internet? Deduct 5 PTS.
Do you wear headphones in public? Deduct 2 PTS.
For every hour you spend in a shopping mall each week, deduct 2 PTS.

YOUR TOTAL GQ* (*GUSTO QUOTIENT)

SCORING

0-100: You’ve lived a quieter, gentler life than some, but don’t feel bad. We can’t all be Indiana Jones.
101-200: An impressive start. Now it’s time to turn off the TV, get up off the couch, and start racking up serious points.
201-300: Quite awesome. You are probably known as a “colorful character” who’s lots of fun at parties, full of rousing tales and anecdotes. Either that or you cheated.
Over 300: Wow! Consider yourself lucky to be alive. At this rate, you’d better finish that autobiography fast.